Today’s subject is very personal, but it is something those us living with ALS face. People with ALS are told that our life expectancy is typically two to five years after our diagnosis. We and our families are immediately confronted with our mortality. For many of us, this triggers the various stages of grief. I want to share how I processed the reality of my mortality.
The foundation of my faith
I am a Christian, saved by grace through faith. I have been a Christian for most of my life. I believe that I am headed to heaven when I die. When we received my diagnosis, Sheila and I trusted that God has a plan for us and whatever is coming next.
My fear of death
My fear of dying is rooted in the fear of the unknown. I believe I am going to heaven, but what does that mean? I know all the theology and had the head knowledge. However, I still didn’t know what I would do for eternity. We live in the concept of time, but eternity is timeless. I was struggling to wrap my head around all this. Death scared me.
Love changes everything
I recently started to read more. The book I started with was Crazy Love by Francis Chan. The author goes through how much God loves us and how we should love God and others more as a result.
I was deeply impacted by God’s love for me. While I knew this already, the reminder and resulting contemplation brought God’s immense love for me back to the forefront.
Love and eternity
Now for the turning point. I realized I needed to personalize my love for God. It can feel abstract or distant to say, “God, I love you.” I had to learn to love Him more personally, intimately. I can do this by expressing my love to Jesus, who is God in the flesh. Saying, “Jesus, I love you,” made it more personal for me.
Why does this matter? I now am able to look forward to eternity. I will be spending eternity with the one who loves me and I love him. This is comforting, not fearful. Death is a journey to life with Jesus, not a final destination.
Choosing life, anticipating death
While my perspective on death is much better, I know that God has a plan for my life. I don’t invite death, and I no longer fear the unknowns of eternity. This reality hits close to home. While I was in the hospital in January with pneumonia, I coded, started to die because I couldn’t breathe. We decided to move forward with the tracheostomy. I will now live longer, but I will always be in danger of not being able to breathe in the future.
I choose life with purpose. My family chooses to support me. When God takes me to my eternal home, I’ll be ready. Until then, I will love and serve him here.
If you want to learn more about becoming a Christian, click the Contact Us button at the top of the page. I hope to hear from you.
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